it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
