Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to fling myself into the sun
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
