why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
