K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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