At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
