booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
