Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
