some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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