I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
