I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
