I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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