my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
