I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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