At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
