dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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