i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
