Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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