Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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