Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
