how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
