I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
