So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
