i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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