hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
