Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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