Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
