my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
