we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
