she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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