you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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