Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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