My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
