Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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