there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
