weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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