I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
