I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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