he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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