Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
