just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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