Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
