it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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