And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
