Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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