There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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