I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
