I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
