if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
