I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
