i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
